After waking up and scratching my nuts I was trying to remember who the Sheila was beside me, hoping like mad that it wasn’t a bloke. What the fuck did I get up to last night? And shit my head hurts!!!

After all the normal morning routine of shower, shit, shave and shampoo, (oh fuck no shampoo I have no hair). I prepare our vehicle for the day ahead making sure we have petrol, air in tyres and the GPS is set to get us to the next gig.

I load the vehicle with the luggage and with Kev and Betty by my side we head off to face the next challenge. If we get out of town without stopping for Kev to have a shit it is a miracle. (I don’t know what is wrong with that man it must be the litres of piss he drinks but he has about five shits a day). We normally stop at a roadhouse/cafe for breakfast and Kev reads the Daily papers to make sure that his name is not in the obituary page, because his body normally feels as though it has been thru an autopsy.

Once we have assured him he is alive and the breakfast consumed, we head off listening to Country CD’s in the car until we arrive at the next accommodation. Quite often during the trip we will have radio interviews to do and these are normally programmed to ensure that we are in a location where we have phone reception.

Upon arrival I ensure that the accommodation is suitable, and that it at least has a toilet so Kev can have another shit. Once we book in we go for a walk and check out the local talent. If I get lucky I will take one back to the motel just say Hi and show her my room!! Nothing else true!!!

The Krew will -Lug In-x80x9D to a venue around 3pm and commence setting up. After awhile I show up and make sure that all is Ok and generally make a cunt of myself and make sure all is ready for us to do the gig that night.

During the afternoon sometime I make sure that the accommodation and venue for the next day are organised so we will not experience any major dramas.

I have to make sure that I get Kev into the venue on time and with little fuss. Once that is done and Kev is on stage making you bastards laugh I make sure that there is no one taking video or generally misbehaving. Not that you guys would do that but I just check to make myself useful and look as though I really am doing something.

After the gig and everyone has tears running down their faces from laughter we come out and sign all the merchandise, which Kev ensures we do for every show as he loves to say Gidday to his mates. Then we and the Krew head back to the motel for a few ales and get pissed in preparation to do it all over again the next day.

Next time you are at a gig come up to me and say Hi, as I am a really nice guy, trust me!!!! If any sheilas want a good root I am your man.

Cheers for now and remember, -Empty the glass that’s full, fill the glass that’s empty, never leave it full, never leave it empty.-x80x9D Hollywood philosophy.